Suicide
by LunaEquus
Summary: Gemma never did see him again. Oneshot.


**I tell you, people are really on a oneshot role today. I felt particularly angsty, and this is what came out. Enjoy!**

Gemma is still stunned at what happened.

She had been flattered when Kartik had breezily said that he would surely die for her. He had been rather reckless since he betrayed the Rakshana, and Gemma was a bit worried, but mostly amused by his new carefree persona. It was if he had been reborn as a different person, the way he spoke without thinking and did whatever he pleased. He was entertaining to her and her friends, who had been in long overdue for a new plaything.

The four of them would go to the realms and fool around. The girls would wish for their pretty jewels and singing gowns, and Kartik would wish for nothing. Instead, he would watch them with a half smile playing on his full lips. Sometimes he would submit to theirs whims and partake in a swordfight, or a waltz. They would tell him all about their adventures, from the odd Untouchables to their run-in with the carnivorous Poppy Warriors. He seemed particularly interested in them, and hinted that he'd like to visit the eerie cathedral. The girls squealed and vowed they would never again wish to see such monsters, and it was forgotten. Someone would conjure up a new plan and all would be well again.

However, Gemma still felt something was wrong. She missed the old Kartik, bossy, comforting, mysterious Kartik. She missed the spark his beautiful eyes once held, that gleamed like a polished mahogany table. Now his eyes were just brown. There was no more life underneath the thick lashes.

Together they'd sit on the far side of the boathouse, hidden from view of the school. She would make daisy chains and try out her unpolished feminine guiles on him. It was to no avail, though, and Gemma wondered if those lifeless eyes could even see anymore. She longed for the time when there was a flame between them, just big enough to warm her up, but not so big that she was consumed.

One day her frustration at going unnoticed won out over her self control. "Why won't you just kiss me?" she asked, hurt that he hadn't even expressed interest in trying.

And so he kissed her, but it was cold and passionless. He threw her onto the ground and kissed her hard, ignoring her protests. She got grass in her hair and was more upset than she had been before, but he didn't quite seem to care.

"What is the matter with you?" she demanded. He raised his eyes to hers and for a moment she felt as if the old Kartik might come back. She was mistaken.

He shrugged his shoulders and looked away.

There were many times when Gemma told herself to not go see him during her free time. It was too painful, too dangerous. But then her compassionate side took over, for she knew Kartik needed help. That was the problem with Gemma, her dedication to her friends always surpassed her own needs.

On one odd occasion, the subject of death came up. "If you die in this world, you end up in the realms," Gemma mused. "I wonder what would happen if one were to die in the realms."

Kartik seemed genuinely intrigued, which hurt Gemma, for it was more interest than he had shown in her. "Do you suppose they would just disappear?" he asked, his face all attention. "Just like that?" He snapped his fingers. "Gone forever?"

"I don't know," Gemma said slowly, wary that the conversation was ominous in some way. She tried to change the subject, but it was to no avail.

"I'm not afraid of death," Kartik said serenely. Gemma felt sick.

"I do hope you're not implying that you want to die, Kartik," she said shakily. He shrugged his shoulders and looked up into the trees.

"If I had a reason to," he said.

"What do you mean?" Gemma felt sicker than when she had seen the cuts on Ann's wrists.

"I would die for you, Gemma," Kartik said, smiling. His eyes, of course, betrayed no emotion. They haven't for months.

Despite the circumstances, Gemma felt herself blushing. She had always wanted a man to dedicate himself to her, and here he was. She'd have preferred the old Kartik, but she settled, just like she was certain everyone settled for her.

She picked that conversation apart for days, desperate to find excuses for his odd behavior. She knew she had to do _something_, but she just wasn't sure _what. _Who could she have asked for help anyway? No one. No one else knew him, and her friends only saw another toy to be played with.

"Climb that tree, Kartik!" Ann said excitedly. She clapped her pudgy hands as he did so effortlessly.

"Now hang upside down!" Felicity added gleefully. Gemma could only watch in horror, while visions of him letting go and breaking his neck swam before her eyes.

This constant fear of Kartik's manic behavior never quite drew to a crescendo. She never saw it coming. One day, Gemma felt as if her old friend had returned. There was a calmness about him that put her mind at ease. Her wrapped his arms around her waist and spun her around, laughing at the surprise on her face. She was confused, but relieved that he was acting somewhat happier.

"So tell me about the Poppy Warriors again," Kartik said casually as they all lounged lazily in the garden. The girls took delight in retelling the chilling tale, proud of their own bravery and strength.

"And then he slapped Gemma and said, 'Are you listening, poppet?'" Ann said in a hushed voice. Kartik's eyes widened, and if any of the girls had been looking at him, they would have surely seen the gears turning in his head.

"He hit you?" he asked Gemma. She nodded, finally noticing the look on his face. He stood up, feeling for once he could do something useful.

He had once nonchalantly asked Ann how to find the cathedral under the pretense his was interested in Gothic architecture. And gullible Ann happily told him.

Kartik marched determinedly towards the haven of the Poppy Warriors, ignoring Gemma's protests the entire way. "They shouldn't have touched you," was all he said. "I want to get revenge."

"You don't need to do this, Kartik! Please don't go any further!" she wailed, desperate to keep him in the safety of the garden. He paused before the grand steps of the cathedral.

"Kartik, this is suicide!"

He turned back and gave her a dazzling smile. All at once, it was if the old Kartik was back, happy and shining and full of life. Her heart broke at the sight. He turned back again and ran up the steps.

Gemma never did see him again.

**I'm not very experienced with writing angst, so be honest! I'm more of a sunshine, ponies, and rainbows sort of girl. I wrote it pretty fast, so let me know if I made any errors. I'm pretty sure my spell checker is up to par, but you never know!**

**I never want to imagine Kartik dying ever again,  
LunaEquus **


End file.
